Quick note...

We finally had some good rain last night but until it started we were on fire watch because of the lightening that could have sparked flames.  It's already dry again and nothing looks any greener, but while it was coming down it felt good to have some cooler air.

I got a call last night that I was approved for a new drug..Cimzia..it's a new name for me, never heard of it. Since they just sent the Humira I can't get it for a month, but at least I know help "might" be on the way.

Dave's back on mandatory over time so house hunting is off for a while.

We have been dealing with a sick dog this week. Don't know if he'll make it, he's pretty old and full of fatty tumors. Today he goes to the vet. He's had a good life. Dave will miss him. I'll miss him also although this past week has been hard since I'm having trouble taking care of myself. As sick as he's been, he still manages to greet Dave at the door when he comes home. He's been spending his days laying at my feet.


Griz



















Griz with Susie at the doctor's



Sadly, still looking...

I liked the house as soon as I entered the front door. It was very open and lots of room and windows. We went from the livingroom into the kitchen. I pulled the blind away from the sliding door so I could see the yard. I don't know why I decided to open the door and go into the yard, but it was a good thing I did. The second my foot hit the patio a dog in the yard next door began to bark and grawl. It wasn't just a barking dog, it was the kind of a bark a dog does when he's ready to attack. I've heard that deep throat grawl before, very aggressive. Through the spaces in the wood fence I could see a very muscular out line of the dog...a pit bull...he never stopped barking and when Dave went within 5 feet of the fence he began grawling.

Of course the realestate guy continued to do his selling...pointing out the new over sized air conditioner, trying to yell over the dog. We backed into the kitchen and I told the fellow that I would have no use of the yard with the pit bull barking all the time. I couldn't imagine letting our dog outside at all. I had a picture in my head of the dog charging through the wooden fence. Sorry, the dog was a deal breaker. I didn't spend anymore time looking at the rest of the house. He finally said, "Your right, a pit bull is just that and I wouldn't live next to one myself".

We had seen a sign for a yard sale at the end of the street. We wanted to get a feel for the area so we decided to stop at the yard sale. When we pulled up we were very sad to see yet another pit bull, standing without a leash, on the sidewalk. We drove on.

So we are back to looking. There are so few one story houses in this area. We might have to settle for a two story and hope I can manage the steps.

House Hunting...

Dave thinks he found the house for us today. I get to see it Saturday. I think we'll need a weekly cleaning woman!  I'll give you a peek at the photo's he took for me to see.


Family room



















Kitchen


























Sunken Living Room




Master Bedroom has it's own Fireplace





















Yard, Patio and dead grass from the heat this year





















September 17, 1997.......September 18, 1997

September 17, 1997

I was cleaning up the dinner dishes when I got a call telling me if I wanted to see my son Mark alive, I should come to the hospital immediately. The next 18 hours would not only take away my son but would take away all my trust in people, my spirit, a huge piece of my heart and cause my family to scatter across the United States...guilt, fear, anger...sent us all running away from each other.

September 18, 1997

Time stopped today in 1997. Time heals all...blah, blah, blah...It doesn't!  It's a bitter pill for me to look at the sunshine and remember my son Mark who loved being out side, even in the snow. Here I am a useless, broken, painful body taking up space and he's gone when he was so full of life.

Let me tell you about time. I use to talk about Mark all the time, it gave me peace remembering his smile and laugh. It kept him here and not forgotten. But time didn't round the edges, soften the pain or allow me to forgive. Time has allowed me to see how all the folks who said they loved Mark, use him for an excuse for their failure's, fight among themselves because they didn't get stuff....it's all bad how people can act in the end.

Then there is the fellow who killed my child...the one I am suppose to forgive and know that is what God asks of me. I'm afraid God will have to do the forgiving for me. I learned a year ago that this fellow managed to get transferred to the newest medical prison in Pennsylvania where there are no cells or walls...to me this is not punishment for someone who got life without parole. I've gone to the prison websites and read families calling this prison the "hotel" of prisons. Any hope of forgiveness was wiped out at the point.

The only bright spot that came out of this hell is the organ recipients, the people Mark wanted to live if he could not. It was very hard for me to sign those papers because I was against giving away parts of my child, but that is what he wanted and the last thing I could do for him. It's the only bright light, they live on and I got to meet some of them.

Yes I am often a bitter angry person. It has nothing to do with my own body pain...no, it's the pain in my heart that is there every minute I am awake and often breaks into my sleep with the voice of my son calling for me. Today I can only offer my heartbreak.



You won't have to call for me much longer son, like the eagle I will also soon be free



Willie!

We all need something to look forward too, some of us need it more then others!

After searching all of the San Antonio area, we decided we wanted to look for a house in or near Helotes, Texas. While we were doing our search we stopped in Helotes at an antique store and a Honky Tonk. Floores is the Honky Tonk where many country singers got their start, Willie Nelson being one of them. We were told that he hasn't forgotten his roots and still does shows at Floores. (http://www.liveatfloores.com/

At the time I told Dave that it was most likely a local secret when he would be there, but wouldn't that be so cool to be able to see him in person.

Things haven't been going to well on the home front lately and having something to look forward to was just what I needed to march on.  This morning Dave handed me this:

Now isn't this FUN!  The first thing that struck me was the November 16th date. This is an out doors event. No one would be hanging out doors in Pennsylvania to see anyone sing in mid November! It sure lifted my spirits. I feel like I need to go buy cowboy boots and a hat!

Note.....

Checking in Rita!  We aren't taking any chances yet. We are still packed up and following the warnings about not using the out door grill or power tools, even electric mowers or weed wackers. One spark could burn acres of land. It looks like we will be getting some rain next weekend or the following week which will help. When you walk across the grass it crunches like crisp cereal. Funny how the weeds are still green and growing!

We got out yesterday to get our flu shoots and got a good look at the burnt area...black as far as you can see. It burnt between houses and mall stores, right down the center like a huge road. A little breeze would have left it jump over the road and onto the golf course where we live....lots of dead dry grass and man made ponds with no water in them. I won't say we are lucky since the rain hasn't started yet.

I can't seem to get started on any project. I have Christmas balls sitting on the table to glitter and a stack of new fabric to work with, but no desire to get myself going right now. The last few days I had to deal with the RA attacking my jaw bones. Not a good way to go on a diet!  The blender is packed to move of course, so I stuck with melted ice cream through a straw. 

We are okay for now, wishing that perfect house comes on the market and looking forward to rain!

Long night...

It's hard to go to bed when you have flames licking at your back door. We were glad to see morning. Things always seem better when you can see what's happening. Now with the night behind me I'm going to bed! The temps are still hot and the warning that a wild fire can happen at anytime leaves us with our bags packed by the door. I tossed clothes in a bag, medicine and of course my Singer 221.

Fire!

It's 1:am in the moring.  Dave just got home after taking this photo a few blocks away. It's behind the shopping center next to us. We are sitting here waiting to see if we have to evacuate.


San Antonio, Texas



Just checking in...

Looks like there are fires all around us here in Texas with no rain in sight yet. It has cooled down from the triple digits to a nice 96, but it's so dry with all brown grass looking a lot like it will never be green again.

My son lives along the river in Pennsylvania where they are being evacuated because the river flood walls can't hold back the water. I don't know which it worse, fire or water?? 

As for me, well I looked back to last August to see where I was. My friend had come to visit. We went into the city of San Antonio for a river boat ride and parked in a garage. I walked from the garage to the river ride and back again with no help.  I'm sorry to say this year I wouldn't make it out of the garage even with a walker. It was last August when all of this started to go down hill in a hurry.

Next I looked back on my trip to Pittsburgh in July. I was able to make it through the entire trip with the help of a walker. It was painful but I did do it.  I can't say my shopping trip this past weekend was equal to that. I found myself shaking from pain after 5 minutes and had to give up and just go home.

Yesterday I put a call into the doctor in Pittsburgh. It's pretty clear that Humira is doing nothing at all. I've taken 3 shots and over the past 3 weeks I've gotten into real trouble instead of seeing the improvement I was hoping for. The doctor is on vacation and I know he will have to do some research to find another drug that won't send my liver into failure so now I'll just wait.

This is Dave's last free weekend before he starts back on 12 days on and 2 off. He tried to set up appointments to see houses yesterday but the renters wouldn't let the realestate in so he got to see none. Maybe he should just wait to see if it starts raining before he moves us into the hill country anyway.

That all sounds pretty sad but life is really never sad, they are just the daily facts. This morning Dave's new bed arrived so tonight he'll get a good nights sleep..that's a happy thing.  I'm getting pretty board with everything packed up so I bought some small second hand Christmas Balls at goodwill and found the craft box with my German Glass glitter in it. Next week this will be my project while Dave is away for so many hours. Last year our little tree looked sad without balls on it. I left those behind because of breakage but I missed them, another cheerful thing. I also managed to get fabric from Joann's Fabric to enter their contest even though I don't like contests it will give me something to do. I may never send it in but with a date looming overhead it will force me to do it instead of just sitting here watching movies all day. Working with Fabric is always a fun thing.

I looked into Senior Centers but there aren't any here. They seem like adult day care centers and that's not what I'm use to. I was looking for one that took day trips or even a bus company that had day trips but that just isn't something they do here. Back home they have day trips to Casino's, flower shows, art museums and even trips to New York City for the shows. I could do these kind of trips. They are mostly sitting and looking like the day we went to the Zoo. I do have a power chair and walker. But that's not a Texas thing.

As for the neighborhoods here in Texas, people don't live outside, it's very strange. In the past year I've seen the children next door get in the car a few times, but they never play outside. In all the neighborhoods we have looked for a house in, we haven't seen any people outside. People are seen in the Mall, but not outside their homes...very strange. To tell you the truth, I'd move back to Lancaster, Pa. in a heart beat. But, that's not gonna happen and the heat is so much better for me. Even if Texan's don't go outside, I do...I bet they think I'm a strange old bird!