Bee's Hive

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Middle of the night melt down

It was one of those nights. It started with an email from a friend I haven't heard from in 10 years. She started with: "I know it's been a long time, but I need a traveling partner and I thought of you".
She went on to say she was booking a bus trip "and" I'm hoping you finally got yourself over Mark.

I didn't need to read another word, just hit delete I told myself. This was one of my life long friends who never really was. This email brought back every day I spent alone after the death of my son. Those who "couldn't handle" my grief or those who "didn't know what to say". They all slowly stepped back and away. I just wasn't any fun anymore.

These "friends" led me to write this poem one night. It isn't much of a poem, but it says what it had to say then and still speaks for how I feel now. "Get over" is not something that will ever happen. Goodbye old friend, you will never understand.
To read this poem, you will have to click on it.


everythingquilts said...

I just read your poem, and I'm crying with you. I can't say I know you're pain. I do pray it's a pain I'll never know. I want you to know that if you ever just need to talk, I'm here. I too found the email, from a so called suppose to be friend, very harsh and heartless. I don't think losing a child is something any mother will ever "get over". And the way you lost your son, would probably fell my heart with hate. And cause me to go into a deep dark place. Holee, I lost my mother when I was 13, 35 yrs ago and have never stopped missing her.

everythingquilts said...

This is really bothering me and just have to say. That in order to have a friend you first have to be one, so it isn't surprising to me that she has no one to travel with. I do not blame you for the deletion. basically that's what she had done to you in your time of need. Your need of a real friend. A real friend is there when you need them, not just when they need you. I think it took more strength to delete that message, then to respond with a few nasty words. You are a better person then me.

Holee said...

Thank you for understanding how I feel.

This has wrecked me. I keep having one crying jag after another today. I know, this too will pass. I don't know why I am letting this get to me. Maybe it's just time for a good cry out.

Tom H said...

I think that when something as tragic as what happened to you happens to some as careing as you it must multiply the grief. I am not real good with word at the moment.

Linda said...

Words escape me....
(((((((((big huge hugs!!!))))))))))

Sherry said...

Get over the death of a child. I don't know how! You might learn to function but 'get over'?! The only thing you got over was her being a so-called 'friend.'

Good for you! Don't let the turkeys get you down!

elsie123 said...

The former "friend" was so insensitive. I'm another one who does not, and hope never to, know your pain. When a slice of you is taken away, that piece is missed forever. The circumstances involved in losing your son can only magnify your hurt and loss.