Bee's Hive

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Friendships...where do I begin

I've always known I was different, and not in a good way. I think it all starts with the mother. Not everyone has a mother who reads them a book, holds their hand when crossing a street, kisses them goodnight or finds anything good about them. The mind of a very young child is learning and in a case where the mother doesn't like her child it can form that child's entire life. I see now, looking back, that it left me blank.

I've looked at photo's taken and although the other kids were all smiling or laughing, I had a blank stare. Maybe that's why as I got older I didn't allow any photo's to be taken. Some where I lost my emotions. To this day I haven't cried over my son's death. The pain of it all is just too much and something I can't share.

Through the years I've usually had one friend at a time. When they got married that ended the friendship. I just couldn't figure out how I was suppose to add the husband. It was just to complicated so I backed away. Then there were those dreaded friendships that for some reason I had to end them. Those were hard. I couldn't tell myself why, I just knew it would be better to end them. Then along came the internet. So many happy people all talking to each other, laughing and sharing their life experiences.

A few years back I made a friend. We had a lot in common and for sometime we really enjoyed the friendship. Then something happened, to me, and I can't really explain  what it was. I remember telling myself, "Just one more time and this is over". One more time what? I can't explain what or why, I just knew I had to end it.

Dial forward to last year when I posted that I was sick. I did so thinking Cancer was a journey that people should take a ride with because so many families are hit with it and those can be terrible emotions. I thought my journey would help someone else. I think now it was my emotions that needed a place to go.

Instead of helping someone else out, the friend I booted from my life came along and lifted me up. There really are unselfish people in the world like this. Rita is a classy lady who hung in reading my blog and not holding me to my fast exit from what was a nice friendship.

Today Rita sent me a bit of spring. I spend a lot of time in my bedroom which is pink and white. I hung the wreath on the inside of my bedroom door so I can enjoy it all the time. Thank You Rita!  Thank You Lord for giving me this extra time to sort out my life and revisit the gems who I didn't appreciate. Forgive me for acting out in such a thoughtless way.




2 comments:

Rita said...

Bea....

I was so excited to see that the wreath arrived the day before Easter. You are a special lady and I enjoy our friendship. As you feel better Springtime will fill you with new energy. Take it easy so your body can heal. Very glad that pink worked well in your bedroom. Hugs....Rita

shawkl said...

A beautiful wreath and a great friendship story. We all walk our own path when it comes to relationships and it is good to have such clarity about your own journey. YOU are a good friend and we are all blessed to have you in our lives. Sending hugs! Kathy