Waiting for my final journey

Back in June when we knew my body wouldn't allow Chemo, I started to prepare for my last trip. Believe me, there is much to do when you are told 6 months or so. I found homes for items I knew others would enjoy...still have lots of those piles but I'm working on it. Cleaning up my sewing mess so my son isn't left with it and the unfinished projects that I am enjoying doing.

As for packing, I'm doing much better then I thought I would. I think I've cleaned up asking for forgiveness which was the first thing on my list. My bucket list was short since I've done just about everything I wanted to in life. I've tried to have some fun the past few months, even bought Christmas gifts.

The oncologist tells me last week that I might be getting an extension on life since I should  be a lot sicker at this point and it seems this might be a slower growing cancer. Sounds good to me since I'm having trouble with this flower garden quilt.

I guess we don't give the end much thought when we are living but there is much to do when you are given the chance. Lots of people you want to see, hugs you want to give, holding a baby one more time, etc. I went from room to room replacing the things that wear out in the house so I wouldn't be leaving my son with used junk. Everything from pillows to sweeper to can opener. One of the last big items was the SUV. A single man whose heart longs for that monster truck with all the chrome does not need an SUV when he won't be dragging around a wheel chair and crippled up old person. This week the new Chevy truck will find a home in our carport.

My days are getting slower. I have my sleeping hours reversed...not good...you can't sleep all day and all night. I'm trying to change that this week. I still have lots of interesting things to do. Working on the quilts and the Christmas train platform.

Most of all I don't want anyone to be sad over my leaving. I'm going home so I must be needed. I'm counting on seeing my son Mark, friends who have already gone before me, my parents. For those I'm leaving behind we have our memories of good times and even bad times we shared. That's pretty important stuff, having shared our lives. I hope I've prepared everyone so you find a smile when you think of me and save the tears for the dented fender or bad hair cut!

I haven't posted as often because of these 2 naughty quilts that are giving me big time trouble, not because I'm too sick to post. Tomorrow I'll put on some Christmas music and try to have a different attitude. I might figure out what I did to make the corners curl up. Lets hope I soon have a photo to show you!

Starting Christmas Early

I've been talking to my son about starting to fix up the train platform early this year. It is a large part of the living room year round. My idea's have gotten so big that I had decided to not include the Christmas tree so I'd have more room for scenery. But last year under the tree served as the mountains for the skier's and the small animals that were hiding behind tree's.

Today my son Dave sent me a surprise from Amazon. To start off the platform he gave me an early gift of the Ferris Wheel that goes with the Merry go round I already have. It also plays hundreds of tune's just like the Merry go round and the lights flash with the tunes.

This is a good reason to get the last 2 quilts finished! 

Working on a new quilt...Lace in the Rose Garden

I've started the second quilt I have to finish. This one has been a long time in the making. I've never made a quilt for myself so a long time ago I started saving fabric's for a lace and rose quilt. This quilt has a lot of hand embroidery around the hex's. I started by doing each block separate. Realizing how long it would take to finish I pulled all the stitches out. Second time I reduced the amount of embroidery. It looked bare and unfinished...rip, rip, rip again. I think I have it figured out this time. I'm putting the top together first. Then I machine sew the hex's down and started the embroidery with a machine vine around the hex's instead of hand sewn. I'll finish with hand embroidered flowers on top of the vine. It's the fastest way I can come up with.

Rita, I will check out the dollar store for candles. I've been buying my candles from a lady who works for my son. They support "Make a Wish" and smell very good. But we all need those decorative candles to have burning while we sew!  

I guess I'll give a medical up date for those who are wondering. After 2 tries at chemo, it wiped out my bone marrow to a dangerous level. Doctor asked me if I wanted to try a different chemo at a less harsh degree or stop the chemo at this point. She added that I should remember it's poison and she could hurt me considering what we already knew what had happened. I took a month to think it over. Then we did a cat scan. We saw that the chemo had reduced the tumor, which was good. We also saw a new tumor on the outside of the lower spinal cord. Not good. 

I've decided chemo is over for me. I am pretty good right now as for the cancer but the RA is eating me up. I can hardly use a needle to sew and holding anything heavy like a cup with any amount of liquid in it is very hard. I drop most items not to mention the pain. I went to Pittsburgh 2 weeks ago to talk to my RA doctor. I do know the risks and what the RA meds have already helped to do. I know there is no study about cancer and enbrel. It could make the tumor's grow fast or it could help out and keep them from growing. Most of all this is no way to live. Without my hands I can't hold onto the walker to even get across the room alone. So come Tuesday I'll be starting the enbrel again. I hope it kicks in fast so life is less painful. Today I cried from 6 am until 2 pm with RA pain. I've been off the RA drugs since December. It's pretty clear it has control of my body, yes, even over Cancer. I'm sure at some point Cancer will take over but for now it's RA and I need to get control of it again. Even having a short life you need it to be worth waking up in the morning and right now waking up is not a happy time from me. 

I'm now on watch for signs of lower back pain that is not usual for me. At the first sign we will do a one time radiation treatment. My hair looks like an Easter chick. I've been watching it to see if it was going to get thicker. No matter now since the radiation will once again make me bald. 

One down and 2 more to go...

It was hot today...90...but I wanted to finish off my son's "extra" quilt and get it washed and stored. He is using one that I made about 10 years ago. The flannel is getting that worn look although the wool blocks don't look at all worn.  Wool is amazing.  I want him to have a new quilt to change over too even though I'll be gone. He'll get at least a dozen more years out of the new one.

I'll be in Pittsburgh to see the RA doctor next week but when I come home I have 2 more quilts I want to finish...if possible...so I'll be starting on the flower garden. I laid the top out on the bed today. I had forgotten I had added prairie points to it.

I made it!

Well with all the negative things being done and said lately I wasn't sure if I'd make my 70th birthday...July 21, but I did!  We had corn dogs on sticks and 3 dip banana splits!  We also had a Cheese Cake Birthday Cake from Pellman, my favorite cake made right here in Lancaster.

Great Birthday...huge gift card to Joann's so I can finish up some of these quilts I have tops made for and an offer for dinner at the Olive Garden any time I feel like I can go. Also meeting the youngest son in Pittsburgh next week for dinner out.

All in all it's been pretty good. They changed all the heart medicines and I'm feeling much better. It's awful what the wrong medicine can do to you!  We also decided I won't be doing anymore Chemo since it wiped out my bone marrow...no sense in making my self sicker or facing early death.  I just wish I had my hair back!  But the hat Debbie sent to me has served many outfits. I changed the blue, added butterflies or flowers, turned the brim up and down and wore it with hair too!  The hats are too funny. I'll have to take a picture of them.  Soon I should have a photo of the wool quilt. I finally finished tying it.

Marine's

In Honor of our Marine's that lost their lives yesterday we lowered our Flag.

Monkey's

My friends from HGTV made me a lap quilt...Monkey's!  They heard me say I like monkey's and they make me laugh...and boy I really need to keep laughing....also when you have Monkey's you need banana's!

One gal in Calif. who does Long arm Quilting offered to quilt the monkey's...beautiful!

Thank You Sue and Leona...and all the ladies who signed the quilt!

Sue lives in an area where there are lots of Artists...the card she sent is hand made and the pressed flowers are real....I love it!

Other then this wonderful surprise, it's been raining for days...the RA does not like the rain!!  Today I go for a Cat Scan and on Wednesday after the report is written, I go back to the Oncologist to decide if it is worth trying a new mix of Chemo or just not doing anything.  It became to dangerous to get anymore treatments because it dropped my blood count into a dangerous level.  I have to say I feel pretty good. They also changed my heart medicine since it had dropped my BP to 80 over 46....and I was feeling pretty dizzy.

I'm working on the wool cabin quilt. I have about 1/3 tied. Can't work on it too long because the thread makes my fingers sore. Then I'll be moving onto the flower garden quilt. I found it and opened it and was surprised that I had added the border and prairie points. I don't even remember doing it!  

So in between being sick, making it to the many doctor appt. and trying to over come the RA pain....I've been busy with quilts I've never finished. I'm hoping when I get them finished I can work on the 18 inch doll clothing. I have 2 sweet dolls that need wardrobes so they can be given to girls who have no dolls.