Bee's Hive

Monday, September 14, 2015

Waiting for my final journey

Back in June when we knew my body wouldn't allow Chemo, I started to prepare for my last trip. Believe me, there is much to do when you are told 6 months or so. I found homes for items I knew others would enjoy...still have lots of those piles but I'm working on it. Cleaning up my sewing mess so my son isn't left with it and the unfinished projects that I am enjoying doing.

As for packing, I'm doing much better then I thought I would. I think I've cleaned up asking for forgiveness which was the first thing on my list. My bucket list was short since I've done just about everything I wanted to in life. I've tried to have some fun the past few months, even bought Christmas gifts.

The oncologist tells me last week that I might be getting an extension on life since I should  be a lot sicker at this point and it seems this might be a slower growing cancer. Sounds good to me since I'm having trouble with this flower garden quilt.

I guess we don't give the end much thought when we are living but there is much to do when you are given the chance. Lots of people you want to see, hugs you want to give, holding a baby one more time, etc. I went from room to room replacing the things that wear out in the house so I wouldn't be leaving my son with used junk. Everything from pillows to sweeper to can opener. One of the last big items was the SUV. A single man whose heart longs for that monster truck with all the chrome does not need an SUV when he won't be dragging around a wheel chair and crippled up old person. This week the new Chevy truck will find a home in our carport.

My days are getting slower. I have my sleeping hours reversed...not can't sleep all day and all night. I'm trying to change that this week. I still have lots of interesting things to do. Working on the quilts and the Christmas train platform.

Most of all I don't want anyone to be sad over my leaving. I'm going home so I must be needed. I'm counting on seeing my son Mark, friends who have already gone before me, my parents. For those I'm leaving behind we have our memories of good times and even bad times we shared. That's pretty important stuff, having shared our lives. I hope I've prepared everyone so you find a smile when you think of me and save the tears for the dented fender or bad hair cut!

I haven't posted as often because of these 2 naughty quilts that are giving me big time trouble, not because I'm too sick to post. Tomorrow I'll put on some Christmas music and try to have a different attitude. I might figure out what I did to make the corners curl up. Lets hope I soon have a photo to show you!


Debby said...

Thank you for this post!!!! How heart warming to know that there are still people in the world who look forward to the new life God has prepared for all of us. Celebrating each day we have here on earth...wouldn't it be a wonderful world if more people did that!!!

O'Quilts said...

I didn't realize you were giving things away...oh, dear...I should have known.
My mother's poetry:


So long friends
I'm on my way
Almost ready for that fateful day
No suitcase
No dollar bills
Nothing needed beyond these hills.


Wailing of the sirens
calling after me
I can hear them screaming

Ageless, weightless, spirit,I,
like a snowflake in the sky,
soaring, floating, dreaming, I,
transient like a butterfly.

Alice FRanzen Clemons Burt.

O'Quilts said...

THen too...

Only a Dream (for my children)

I want to sleep in the arms of the crescent moon
Counting the stars in the sky
Watching the ocean's reflecting light
From ships that are passing by

I want to be like a bird so free
Any bird will do. To choose my destination
Yet never leaving you.

Wherever the spirit takes me
There I long to go
Released from this cage, my body,
To the freedom I yearn to know.

Now raise your smiling face
And carry through
Rejoice with me, your mother,
Forever loving you.

Alice Franzen Clemons Burt

elsie123 said...

Bea, you sound like a woman with the right attitude towards death. You're taking care of business as you can, but also enjoying things in the process. Then a peaceful transition and reunion. Peace be with you. So glad I got to meet you when you lived in Texas.

Rhonda said...

Oh Bea (Holee) I am so glad you are sharing this with us. You remind me so much of my dear friend Jerri who showed me what living and dying with grace was all about. She was a sassy, feisty, the life of the party and as sweet as could be all wrapped up in one body. She said that when she left this life for the next she'd said, "Yeeeehaa, what a ride!"
God bless you, my friend!!